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let me go where You want me to go…

I want to start off by saying thank you to those that have read my blogs and been so gracious on waiting for me to post. To those that are new to my blog – welcome! with open arms and a huge smile and so much excitement. I am so happy and thankful that you have chosen to take the time to read what is on my heart. My name is Tania, I am a 25 (going on 26) year old girl living in Greensboro, North Carolina. I am hispanic but most people who see me and meet me for the first time – all think I’m either Asian, Philippine, Hawaiian, etc – but I am Mexican (it’s the eyes). I was rescued 2 years ago when I decided to give my life to Christ.

For years I struggled in my life, living in the darkness and trying to pursue things that I, at the time, thought was the “American dream” and things that would “make me happy and successful.” I was the first in my family to go off to college and failed at that after a year. I felt like a failure but I decided that I would stay in Greensboro to live on my own and really just not go back to Pinehurst. I worked and provided for myself, partied more than I would like to admit, had a lot of sinful and very dark moments, and at the time – saw no problem at all with the lifestyle I was living. I considered myself very proud of what I had become and thought “Hey, I made it. I moved away from home and am living the dream.”

Three years after living that lifestyle in Greensboro, God opened a door for me that at the time, I gave myself credit for. I started working in the apartment complex that I was living in and thought wow, this is something I could do for the rest of my life as a career. I dove deep into the job and held the job as my identity. Man was I so proud of myself! Six months after I started working there, I had quit my part time job (waitressing) and had been promoted to full time employee – I was killing it!

While I was there, I met a girl whom I clicked with right away. We had so many things in common so naturally we started hanging out and becoming friends. One night, after some heavy partying and breaking down to her that I had felt like I was stuck in my life and going nowhere, she invited me to come to church with her the next morning and I drunkly agreed. I went in extremely nervous and scared and not knowing what to expect. I was hungover and felt embarrassed to even be there, sitting in the front row. Little did I know that God had already been chasing after me my entire life. That he had orchestrated everything so perfectly – the job at the apartment complex, that then led me to meet this friend, who then brought me to church, that then led to me being saved and having my life come to LIFE.

That morning was just the beginning of the rest of my life with Him and I had no idea of what He had in store for me. I had no idea that He would then provide the loving community that I had been looking for and would come to call my family. That He would abundantly open doors for me (and abundantly close doors) that would lead me to say “let me go where You want me to go”.

Once I became a believer and understood what God had done for me and for us {Jesus, God’s perfect Son, is sent into the world and dies for the sin of mankind. Why? Because the wages of sin is death. Someone had to die. So although we all should have died, God, because of His great love, wrote that His own Son would be the redemptive sacrifice to restore us to God. So then Jesus comes, lives, shares the good news, then dies. Hangs on a cross and is buried. But plot twist, He rises! So the resurrection means that He has overcome death on our behalf. Everybody praise. (short recap of it all) }.

After understanding this – which did NOT happen overnight; there was nights, days, weeks, months, of community group, discussions, mentoring, reading the Bible to understand all of this and allowing my heart to be softened to accept and understand the sacrifice He gave for me to have a relationship with Him – once I understood this, I wrestled a lot with what came next. I wrestled a lot with the idea of there being people around me and around the world not knowing this Good News. I wrestled with the idea of Christians being persecuted for sharing the gospel and me being free to worship God with no consequences in Greensboro. I wrestled with the idea of there being people not having access to the gospel their entire lives and with my neighbor never not hearing the gospel the way it reads in the Bible itself. I also wrestled with knowing all of this and having my heart ache for it – but not wanting to share my testimony or the gospel for fear of having my ego and pride hurt, for fear of what someone might think of me, for fear of losing friends and family.

For two years God worked on my heart and my brain to know and understand and accept that this world and it’s approval is not what I have been created for. He provided mentorship, friendships, community, sermons, articles, seminars, late night talks, coffee dates, dinners, and so much more to answer questions I had and to give me a peace of mind to trust Him entirely with every single part of my life and this world and to allow me to truly hear Him.

He opened to my mind the idea of going with a church plant in California that had been posted through the Summit Network. I gave the idea about a minute of my time and then quickly dismissed it because, well why would I want to give up my new job as an Assistant Manager and my church and my community and my comfortableness in Greensboro? I remember sitting in Nashville with my best friend in our AirBnB as we were getting ready for the New Year’s Bash and mentioning it briefly and we thought, yeah that would be cool. I then went about my evening as I got a phone call from my roommate that she had just gotten engaged! Quickly the thought of the plant was pushed to the very back of my mind and it was filled with worldly things. I wish I could pinpoint the times that it came back to my mind but honestly – I can’t. Part of it is because I have really bad memory. What I can tell you is that God pulled and tugged at my heart for the past year about the church plant.

March 20th was when I knew that I would be moving to California with the plant. I didn’t know when exactly that would be or how that would happen – but this is how that day played out. I went to church not knowing that D.A. Horton, the lead pastor of a church plant team in LA through the Summit Network, would be speaking that day. At this point, the idea had been tossed around a few times but nothing had still made me think YES, this is where God is calling me – at least I didn’t quite know it yet.

D.A. spoke about “multiplication is the mission”, as described in Acts 15:36-16:5. I remember God working on my heart during that hour and as the sermon closed, I remember the following words hitting that home-run that made me say yes. “The same holy spirit that lives within Paul, Barnabas, Silas, Timothy, and Mark lives in every believer. Through the good, bad, and ugly. He is not giving up on you. He has not called us, to abandon us on the mission-field, so we should never abandon Him and His call on our life to represent Him well in the mission-field – which is anywhere that non-believers aren’t worshipping God.”

This day was the day that God used to boost me to go on my first mission trip to the Dominican Republic and to pursue this call of moving to California for the sake of the gospel being spread. He opened doors for me to able to go – from giving me experience in a job field so that I can be able to find a job in California, to further equipping me in the months that I was still in North Carolina, to providing me with a place to live while I transitioned from Greensboro to California. The idea of people never hearing the gospel tugs and breaks my heart. The idea of me not living the life I have been called to live breaks my heart. People ask me if I am scared to move out to California and I can honestly say that being scared, is one thing that I am not. Because God is with me. He has provided for me every step of the way and done more for me than I could ever imagine, and I can go with the assurance of knowing that “the same hands that formed me then, are holding me now and they won’t let go…’I am with you always, to the end of the age’.”

“So, as God is calling you, no matter where you go – know that He’s writing your testimony. At times it will be challenging, there will be friction, but we have a biblical model to look at.” God is calling us to go, whether it is to another city, another state, another country, or our neighborhoods – please follow that call on your life to the mission-field. Have that desire of seeing less of those on earth who don’t know Jesus fill your heart before we are called home. Our time on this earth is not forever.

|| Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them. And when they saw him they worship[ed him, but some doubted. And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age. Matthew 28:16-20. ||

xoxo

Tania

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2 thoughts on “let me go where You want me to go…”

  1. Hey Tania,
    I randomly found your blogpost/instagram because I was looking up the chord chart to the song “the same hands that formed me then are holding me now and they won’t let go” song. I just feel like you have SUCH a beautiful heart for justice and such a purity of heart to run after God. I haven’t deeply looked at your instagram/blogpost but just skimming through your photos is just incredibly encouraging to me. God Bless you Tania and the ministries and callings that God has put on your life (: May you continue to abide and love well!

    Liked by 1 person

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